A friend recently asked Why is it that so many people, Christians included, offer such trite and shallow responses when faced with difficulties? You've heard them. We've all said them. God won't give you more than you can handle. You are stronger than you know. This will only make you stronger. What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. It isn't like these things aren't true. But why is it that these are the things you always hear when life is hard? I mean isn't there something to offer that's deeper with more substance that we can offer? Something with more "verbs"? When we say things like If you need anything, just call. Do we really mean it? Or should we call them because we know they need it? What if what they needed was your time? Everyone's busy, but too busy? What if they need money, your possessions, your shoulder to cry on? Would they have it?
It seems to me that we answer these challenges with trite responses because the truth of the matter is, we don't take the time to really know and love each other. When Jesus was asked "Rabbi, what is the greatest commandment of all?" His response was NOT "Be sure to say the right thing" or "Be kind to one another". No, His response was much deeper than this. His response was to Love the Lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. (Matt. 22:39) I Corin. 13 tells us that if we speak well with the right answers but don't love, it's like a resounding gong translation: Empty and meaningless words, If I have all the answers, but don't love, I am nothing. If I give all I have to the poor for my own gain, I gain nothing...see Love is patient, kind, doesn't envy, doesn't boast, isn't proud, isn't dishonoring or self seeking, isn't easily angered, and keeps no record of wrong. Love always protects, trusts, hopes, and always perseveres... Now these three remain: Faith, Hope, and LOVE. But the GREATEST of these is LOVE.
So that begs the question, do we love each other? It's difficult to respond to challenges in someone's life if we don't love them. How can we love them if we don't know them? How can we know them if we don't make the investment of TIME into their lives? I mean when we started dating our mate, we couldn't and wouldn't dare say we love them if we hadn't spent time dating and getting to know each other and investing in one another's life, right? Why isn't that the same with other relationships? Are we spending time to get to know our neighbors? Our co-workers? Our congregation? Our own family?
One of the struggles that I wrestle with is vulnerability. I don't see many people being raw and openly sharing their own struggles.So why should I? All too often I see people hurting one another and damaging friendships with gossip and backstabbing behaviors. Would people really love us if they knew our damaged, broken reality? If they take my struggles and twist them and share them with other people, why would I trust them? (more importantly, am I guilty of these sins?...OUCH)
It's been said that people come in to our lives either for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. For a reason is often to meet a need or teach us something. A season is often to change us and mold us into who we need to be. A lifetime is just a pure gift. I've come to understand that a lifetime relationship is rare because it's so difficult to love and accept people for who they are. Often we try to change each other or expect people to fit a preconceived pattern or mold we set up. If they don't live life like we do, we easily dismiss them. If they don't see life the same way we do, dismissed. The ones in our lives with whom we both let down our guards, accept without pretense, and serve to meet one another's needs are the ones who often stay for a lifetime. We have made the effort to invest and that makes the world of difference.
It takes time. It requires a commitment on both ends. It commands vulnerability and honesty. It demands that we accept people for who they are, just as they are. Martina McBride, a country singer, has a song dedicated to women who are blessed with loved ones supporting them through breast cancer. She sings, "When you are weak, I'll be strong. When you let go, I'll hold on. When you need to cry, I swear I'll be there to dry your eyes. When you feel lost and scared to death, like you can't take one more step just take my hand, together we can do it. I'm gonna love you through it."
So I ask myself, how many people do I have in my life that when challenges come along, I respond with "I am here to love you through it?" Am I willing to loan my possessions or give money without expecting it back? Do I offer a room to the homeless? Do I make a call to a friend who is hurting just to say are you OK? Can I say in my heart "Because I know you need help, I'm here." See that response puts the responsibility on my me to help carry their burden...to in essence LOVE THEM "This will only make you stronger." although true, assumes no responsibility and offers no love in action.
Without time spent and investment made into one another's lives.. how can we love each other? How is it possible to carry out the greatest commandment in my faith.. to Love the Lord with all my heart and to love my neighbor as myself?
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