Which is why I am choosing to write about a much darker secret. One that has been kept for too many generations. One that if remains in the dark, like breast cancer, women and children will continue to die. Like breast cancer, it is no respecter of class, age, sex or religion. Much like breast cancer, there are hereditary markers. That is, it is passed on from generation to generation. UNlike breast cancer however, the stigma is still great.Thankfully, like breast cancer, it too can be stopped. I'm talking about Domestic Violence. October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Did you know that in the U.S. there are twice as many animal shelters as there are shelters for battered women? Did you know that 3-4 million women in the U.S. are beaten in their own homes each year by their husbands, ex-husbands, or male lovers? Did you know that a woman is beaten by her partner every 15 seconds in the U.S? 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. 25-45% of women who are battered, are battered during their pregnancy These are STAGGERING statistics. And can you imagine that these statistics are likely low due to the fact that these are only what are reported.
(true story)
*They were a young married couple. She was a mom of 3 small children, one of whom was from a previous marriage. There was a great deal of stress and loss within their family. And nobody really knew how to cope with what they were facing. She was raised in a strict home where she was taught that she was expected to "do what he says or else". He was raised in a home that said "my way or the highway. Too bad if you aren't old enough for the highway, I guess it's my way." They never expected they would end up continuing abusive cycles. He was born to an alcoholic and continued the cycle. She was taught to shut up and take it. So she did. One day she took the kids to the lake for a day out with family. He stayed home and choose to drown his misery and jealousy in his bottle. She came home later than he expected and the fight began. The children were present, as they always were. The oldest, the protector, attempted to shield the younger from witnessing what was likely to come. The oldest recalls the fight getting out of hand and becoming physical. The oldest vividly recalls him holding a loaded gun to their mom's head while shouting and foaming at the mouth. Fortunately, he did not shoot. (Sadly, that isn't always the case.) But the image will never leave. How could it? The children were too young to leave on their own and waited and hoped their mom would have the courage to save them. The violence wasn't always that bad, she would justify. He wouldn't actually pull the trigger. He didn't hit me this time.
(true story)
* She saw the gun her husband was holding as he stood in the door of the kitchen. After years of intimidation and grief, she thought to herself not this time, gun or no gun. She turned her back and walked towards the backdoor and asked herself "where is the phone" just as she saw the cordless on the wall. She grabbed it just as she recounts smelling the gun powder and suddenly hearing the pop. She caught herself on the kitchen table as she realized she had been shot. It didn't hurt. She could breathe but realized something wasn't right. She told him "you shot me, call 911" He didn't call, he was reloading. She proceeded to dial the phone but before she could dial the second 1, he grabbed it from her hand. "Oh no you don't." She didn't wait, she tried to get to the other phone in the house. But as she started to walk, she felt her knees go weak. The burning moved up her chest and into her throat. She attempted to get out the front door and yell, but her voice was merely a whisper. She begged and pleaded for him to call 911. She apologized for whatever she did wrong and promised never to do it again. He finally called ... she spent 8 days in ICU with 9 more days in regular care.
(true story)
*When she was just 16 years old, he stole her dignity, her self esteem, and her virtue. She thought since her mom would never allow her to talk to someone in person who was over the age of 18, she would be safe because it was online. He said the sweetest things she believed he was who he said he was. They decided to meet. He looked normal. They dated for 3 months before he told her he loved her and proceeded to take away what was never meant to be his, her innocence. She was sure this was love. Then he hit her with a closed fist in her eye, face, and stomach. He told her she was fat, ugly and stupid. But then he kissed her again and told her he was sorry and wrong. This continued for 8 months. She finally got out. He moved on to someone else. She didn't move on so well. She started cutting herself and later became bulimic. She knew she wasn't good enough and probably never would be. She was devastated and damaged.
The stories go on and on. Chances are, you know them all too well either from your own family or a close friend. If it has happened once, it will happen again, DON'T LET IT.
If you or someone you love is being abused END THE SILENCE... GET HELP
1. Call 911, write down the incident report number and keep that safe
2. Seek medical help if necessary. Have injuries documented and photographed
3. Get to a safe place or shelter immediately
4. Tell someone who cares and whom you trust
5. File a protective order, don't take it back!
You can be a hero.. You can make a difference. End the Silence on Domestic Violence!
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